I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
