I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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