he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there's paper in my vomit.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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