in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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