Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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