just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
