so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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