don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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