im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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