Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
