I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
