Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
