John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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