when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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