So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So much rum. So many feels.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
