her vagine was all disorganized.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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