how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
