Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
