My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
