I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
