I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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