Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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