can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
someone owes me an orgasm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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