We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
