I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm really busy with my period
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