Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Enjoy the penises
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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