I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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