she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
