Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
