it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
