Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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