Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
