Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
