did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
