yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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