I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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