If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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