oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
