sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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