Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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