How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
