Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
