Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
