What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
