Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
