I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
