Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
