My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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