So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
