And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
