That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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