it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
