i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
