just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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