So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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